the daily challenge

the daily facts

the daily facing of what it all means in our every day life

Surrender I hear

See it for what it is

Live in the present moment 

Be grateful for what you do have 

Love the people still in your life

Why do we all look to find solutions to problems that don't have solutions...

Challenges that don't need answers

Are you uncomfortable?

Are you afraid of what to ask?

You want to talk but don't know how...

Trust me neither do I

But avoiding is not the answer either

Asking the wrong question means more than not asking at all

I think of others

I think of people who have months of memories 

Years of memories...

Then I think of people who got no time on earth with their child alive...

How can I honor my pain with the fact that I got so little time and yet have sympathy for those who got non? 

Should I not be sharing my experience? 

Is what I'm going through not as valid because someone has gone through worse...

And how about all the things I can't take about

How about the things I get to share with myself and my family but that I can't share with the rest of the world

It is as tho my story is incomplete

Our story is incomplete 

It will be months, maybe years before I will be able to share the full picture

To my future

Whatever it maybe be

May all the people I love feel loved and supported by me

May my children know that they are wanted and needed

May they grow to be independent free thinking individuals 

How heavy it all feels

How exhausted I feel

How beaten

How lifeless at times I seem 

How I wish I could change

Change the moments 

Change the outcome

Change the memories 

That is now all I have 

Ali, I love you 

My beautiful baby girl 

That I was hoping to be a role model for 

That I was hoping to raise and take care of until you found your own freedom and independence

Now there is a shadow

Shadows that creep across the landscape 

Tainting this physical existence

I just want to see you and hold you and be with you 

But I can't